it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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