just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
