So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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