I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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