Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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