he puts the penis in happiness.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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