no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
