How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
