he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did i walk over a car last night?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
