she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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