thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
