My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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