She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
