I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
