i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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