I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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