if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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