I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
