You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
