i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
