Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize