Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
