Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
