I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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