Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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