I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
