So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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