is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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