I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
