so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
