proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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