ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
