Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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