I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
