Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
