shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I want is dick and wine.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
