Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
