i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
