i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
