i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize