She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
