i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
