is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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