That's when you crack a 10am beer
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
