whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
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I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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