If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
