You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
