your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
