quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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