I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
