I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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