how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
