it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
