God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
