The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
