He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
