Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
