You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Can i not drive my cunt home
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
