the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
