Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
