I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
