I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
