get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
