So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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