I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
