my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
