I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
