Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i've created a new STD.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
