i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
