hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
