I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
