Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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