I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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