dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
