Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
