is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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