just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
